of f****up's and start-ups

haha..the feeling when you reflect and realize you've never been the master of your life and then look into the future with certainty that you never will be, but feeling a lot more wiser for knowing you've been such an ass. Some call the feeling inner peace. I call it silence of the chickens.
Silence is the time between your fall line and start line. Silence is when all are around you-just that..they aren't with you. Silence is when you try and realign yourself. Silence is like trying to sew back hacked pieces of self-grotesque and punishing; the result more so.
Silence also takes you back to the 'it' moments-confusing then, defining now. Such moments, short as they are, have this impact to reaffirm all your beliefs for a lifetime, and I'am not exaggerating when I say they that they shape your entire future course...such moments are the flashlights for the foggy future as well...one can always go back to these moments for that clarity and reaffirmation you need now.
Kudos to one such person who has helped me go back to basics and reaffirmed my belief that you don't need to change yourself to please anyone.

sending out thoughts!

Life's like this endless strip-tease where you're constantly ripped off of your happiness, sanity, freedom, opinions until finally you're dancing frenziedly and you ache for that blitzkrieg-like orgastic ending to finally be able to see the light, but there isn't..there aint just no climax in life.

not for me, not me

Feeling particularly piqued and somewhere deep down in the heart starts this warm feeling, only to be going up in flames by this immense irritation...anyways, I figured I'l write something no one knows about me...I've never particularly obsessed/ given a thought to take a liking to things considered feminine..hate it! I have no idea why girls go gaga over stuffed toys or those cuddly bears.. y? because they are the dumbest and mind numbingly-stupider next to you? and those frilly and bizarrely cut dresses that you'd like to call fashion, and that silly make-up! and al that accessorizing ! and all people who listen to music and discuss it with such zeal and think of themselves as cool..for god sakes, its just for lightening-up your mood..stop treating it and taking it to a point like it defines your life and who you are!
Me, I like meaningful art, beautiful poetry and prose, higher planes of thought (there's nuthin called philosophy, there's just brilliant thinking and levels of perspective), like dressing-up in those cut-down-to-basics jeans and shirts..love fast cars and horses, adventure and one day I might just ride a sports-bike hopefully! Not attached to any material things...gadgets and stuff aren't like part of me or define me...I bring character into things..leave my style on 'em. More interested in technicalities..wud love to repair my car if I want to..

Full circle

When the music ends and silence begins
Wrapping you in and consuming from within
Ah! the supreme egoist reigns
Blessed is he who is the master of nothin'

When the battle ends and clarity strikes
In your face with light and sound like thunder
Begins the journey back to source in strides
He revels amidst the chaos in silence and wonder

When perfection reveals itself in all glorious forms
Thus spake the ego in bliss supreme
Knowing the reason in glaring dichotomy
Leads an unconcerned and harmonious life

Nothing's more artistic than pure white. Darkness is duality-it has nothing and everything in it at the same time. Nothing's more artistic than darkness illuminated by pure energy!

T.O.W vortex

You think you'r getting out of the loop, but you'r only getting deeper into it..and there's no way out as long as the mind is exposed to only "so much" of an idea on life. So, you'l need exposure...of new ideas and new experiences..experiences are supposed to be embraced..not run away from! As long as your mind is confined to only a pigeon-hole view of life and you've built an entire life (an imposed lifestyle, I'd like to say) of it like an orbit around yourself, even on the subconscious level, you'r constantly getting deeper into the rut and you'r still wondering, what's the way out when I've tried so much to understand life! Truth is, you haven't...That is more than enough proof to believe its an imposed lifestyle which you've taken on without questioning its premise. That's exactly why you understood life from an erroneous point of view altogether. How then can you get out? Relax, there's nothing to get out from. Confused?

Straight to the p. Like I said, its not about running away..its about embracing new idea(s). Life was originally intended to live in tandem with nature. Rest of the creation (animals, birds, plants, et al) doesn't need money to go about their life..they are peaceful..have food and rest..what we humans exactly wanted in life...but we are blessed with intelligence too..so we invented money and effed up our lives.. we embraced the rule of opposites and yet, we wonder why our lives are so much miserable with increasing consumerism and more money!! We wanted happiness and we went about the wrong way.

Anyway, I figured out what the purpose of life is...so, good luck to you! :P :D

(Ain't giving that one out for free!!)