The year that wasnt.

This year just flew by. I mean, so do others but they do make few impressions. This one, surprisingly, is devoid of any memorable events. None that I can recall. May be it was about the perfect balance-- no sharp surprises, not complete happiness, not complete sadness... perfectly boring I should say. See, that's the problem..."perfect" is a problem...had it been self-destructing or universe shattering....

nywa....hope I have a fun-filled 2009....I like surprises....

When the left eye laughed and right eye cried.

I felt relieved. But that made me empty.

I felt it was time to move on. But that made me even more tied to the past.

I felt I made an error of judgment. But that made me happy once.

I felt I was ready for the future. But that made me realize I have no heart for it. I cannot again will myself to be completely involved and my weak heart cannot bear strong emotions again. Ever.

I felt I was being myself. But that made all my friends (or so I thought) turn to foes.

I stood my ground. But I soon got marooned on the "I"sland.

I stated reason. They fought back with blind emotion.

I feel drained. But that only makes me want to stick to my beliefs even more.

That's when my left eye laughed and right eye cried.

The Whispering Sands

Along the road did I walk
The sands along had stories to talk
And remind me of things gone by
And of the time that did fly

I had done too much too soon
Throwing my life out of tune
Did I make myself a toon?
Or, will all be gone by the next new moon?

Along the road did I walk
The sands along had stories to talk
Telling me all's not gone
It's not always that's done

I remember the time I was a child
I was footloose and wild
And so will I continue to be
Forever and ever free

Along the road did I walk
The sands along had stories to talk
If you stand up and take a look at me
That Iam for real you shall see

So many stars, full of crystal fire, but cold at the same time. Stars infinitum, guarding the secrets of the universe. Stars twinkling, chained to the sky, free only when they decide to fall. Stars- remote and uncaring, as they shine down a turbulent world.

Now, whoever watched F.R.I.E.N.D.S needn't be told how great the show is and whoever din't, well, they must have heard how great it is from those who watched it. But ,what I love about F.R.I.E.N.D.S. is that it makes you wanna eat. These guys hang out all the time, EATING, talking, joking...and when I watch them, I too want to eat while watching the show. I end up eating all day long!!! :O (more often than not, I watch the show non-stop...there were days when I got up just for watching it all day long! And when I need to be in clg, I usually watch it on my mobile :D ) As I was saying, I eat my way through the show...invariably, I eat whtaver they are (all that is vegetarian....dat means veg pizza along with Phoebe, chips and icecream with Joey :D ). Man! Iam going to end up like Joey (in that episode when Phoebe wonders what it would be like if Monica and Joey got married) saying "how u doin' " to the food!!!!! heheee...

The one with the feeling godly, books, feeling peeved, fantasy coming true and humpty-dumpty!

Contrary to the range of emotions I go through everyday (which is just one-feeling bored), today there was a lot that happened. Yes, I can totally sit at home the whole day and yet feel so many things (funny I feel bored when Iam surrounded by people).

It's just that there is so much to "Accomplish" and so many things left undone. If I cared enough, I wouldn't even be having the time to rant all this in my blog. But I don't want to do anything at all. For a change, I want to sit back doing nothing and watch the show go on. For a change, I want to be this devil-take-the-hindmost-attitude girl. I couldn't have been more ridiculous,telling myself the things would be done even without my interference..no, no complete flight from work and responsibilities. How I got that idea, I don't know and care not..but Iam too lazy to do the work. Sorta makes me feel "godly"...god just watches the show go on. Even without me, the show must go on. Or, perhaps, for this part of god's show, Iam not given any part. Iam the "slowdown" button in the elevator--it's there and gives an illusion of doing work. Or, Iam in this party where there are so many people that your absence isn't missed.

I read 2 books today-leftover part of Eldest and M&B's " The Rake's Redemption". OH, how I love reading books. The smell of the books is invigorating-it fills me with this "lively" feeling..the disticnt smell (and especially of old books!!! wow!!!) invites me to the hidden treasure. Oh, just to grab a book and a chocolate/hot cuppa and sit in a corner...oh,place doesn't matter..just the mere thrill of reading the book . It takes me into this entirely different parallel universe. Books, for all the times-the gud, bad, dark, lonely, angry and helplessness....they are my best refuge when I can't or don't want to figure out reasons.


Was watching the tv and was peeved by the way they potray these love bugs. The heoine keeps thinking of who her love is going to be and the scene shifts to where the guy keeps thinking of his elusive lady love. Wham! some right-outa-fairy-tale scene and they meet each other and yet another story begins.... may be that's the way it happens..but its always for others. Me, have no such luck...everyone around me seems to be having them..may be, they don't read books and so are unsuspecting about it..and it happens for them..me, i keep reading books and so..its never gonna happen!!


Always been a fantasy-kick in the crotch and spit on the face. For a change, the fantasy came true. Courtsey- One (or two) of my unsuspecting friends. God has a weird sense of humour. He wanted to grant me this fanatsy of all!! ( I have the best fantasies- just a box to live in with books and dahi puri ; the box be made of cake; give me the gift of time and throw me with the box into space and wham! iam in a continuum) These fantasies hardly qualify as slefish or outrageous-they are too innocent..and yet...


Lastly, Hmpty-Dumpty din't just happen to fall; she was PUSHED. Keep watching this space for more on that!

Dream, Part 2.

Dream, Part 2 is an attempt at understanding Dream, Part 1. So, here goes:

What is it that dreams signify? Few dreams turn out to be true, others do not. Then, are dreams true or false or both ( don't even get me started on things that can or could be both this and that at the same time; you should really think of yourself as seeing into a mirror wearing one shoe whilst in the mirror you are wearing the "other" shoe. One side, you wear the right shoe, on the other "side", you wear the left one) ? Do they predict the future or just reflect our deepest emotions or thoughts? Since future is relative and depends on the path we choose in the present, obviously then only few dreams turn out to be true. But what if the dream you see now influences you to take a particular path you din't think existed and it led to an entirely new destiny? Or you could also end up doing something to make the dream come true...either way, it changes your destiny ( or was that how you could reach the "intended" destiny?) . But, what about the fact that a man can alter his own destiny to gud or bad which in other words mean, there are multiple denstinies to choose form? ( Or may be there is just one destiny and which ever round-about way you choose, you finally end up there )

Yet, it is truly amazing that the mind can predict stuff in sleep that effortlessly than when we are awake....How come something as elusive, complex and mysterious as future present itself before us with such striking simplicity and that too in sleep!! Does that mean we do have an ability subconciously to foresee the exact nature of future with all its subtilities and implications? May be, but since we are just presented with just a "teaser preview", we loose it once we are wide awake again!! :P Perhaps we try to alter the future based on the preview and later bitch about the fact that we cannot foresee ( once awake, we must become real short-sighted! )..... And then there are dreams in which you are a fairy, live in chocolate houses....just fantasies which never come rue in this life or the after life.


Sighhh! So, dreams are just something which amuse you in your sleep and then make you waste all your time on analyzing them...yaaaawn...so much for some dreamless sleep....

Dream, Part 1

So, have you been to a place or met somebody or found yourself in a situation and suddenly thought, "oh, wait a minute, I've already been here or done the same thing...but it was in a dream!!" Strange feeling, really, but also sort of makes you feel "gifted" . I have had this wonderful feeling many a time,and I truly felt "special" but also confused a little. Ive had dreams about things I was going to be doing, people (I already know) I would be meeting, places I was going to be in....but what does this mean?

If everything's right, something is wrong. (?!?)
Does it mean imperfection is inherent in god's creation? (Wait a minute, isn't god supposed to be perfect?) Or are we too cynical to see the obvious? Or is it that the fear of being at a later stage makes us too careful (or paranoid) ?
If we consider an implicit imperfection, remember, it is us who are "considering" it -as in we assume there is an inherent flaw. Does it mean we cannot appreciate things unless and until juxtaposed with a contrasting thought? If we consider, again we are "considering", that god has created an imperfect world, it can mean just one- that we need a scapegoat. Ultimately, it all boils down to the wrong way we view things. Anything can be completely and wholly right- unless we are too afraid of perfection. Or, giving an importance to the ends rather than to the means.

While an intelligent man seeking revenge is justified, a frustrated soul punishing himself is not. Apparently, the latter is more of a danger than the former. The frustrated soul, it seems, is trying to get at others by punishing himself and is more dangerous than the person who is directly seeking out revenge.

Sometimes, being short sighted can help you ignore people you want to. Like when I wanted to sing aloud with my sore throat. I just removed my spectacles and started singing. I don't know and don't want to know my unfortunate victims. GN & GL.